so much for truck driving! i put my app on a nanny resource website at last minute, not thinking anyone would want me, and i got a butt load of replies, and you make more money and get free room and board. memphis isn't the only place with homeless, so i'm going a little easier on myself. plus, i don't want to run into the man that raped me again. i went to texas twice, but nothing there worked out, and i'm going to florida tomorrow. i'm going to accept one of those positions, i'm sick of flying (motion sickness).

anyway, i'm back to my normal self and feeling oh so a-mazing. i've gotten so much stronger and less cowardly.

:-)

haha. who ever could have pictured me as a truckdriver???? i'm too girly...i guess i would stoop to just about anything to bring home some money. i dont' think god would let me do anything that i wasn't made for.

oh comely. great song by neutral milk hotel. download it.!!!

Oh, my lovelies, life could not possibly get any shittier than this unless I were homeless with a terminal illness.

My auntie and uncle kicked me out of their house. Almost landed in the snow.

Now I live at my dad's, sleep on his floor, and am unemployed.

I am fucked. Where are my real friends now? Family?

I really believe I hate everyone. I would never let one of my friends go through this. But hey, friendship means nothing. And family...family is just a fucking word around here. Apparently its cool to judge and gossip about your family and try and make them look bad so you look better. My life sucks!!!!!!

Jenny and I went to see a movie last night. It was about a girl who'se fiance died like a week before their wedding. I almost lost it. It reminded me of Jeffrey. We ate and I spent like 23 bucks on dinner and a movie! It was outrageous! It was the first time I went out and spent money on me since I've gotten a job and it felt so good. I've donated so much money to church and missionaries. They need that money now more than ever and I don't regret it. I just need money and I know that God will take care of me if I help take care of his people. He will take care of me nomatter what. She's leaving for her internship in May. I'm either going with her or I'm going to Nantucket with a girl from work to make a lot of money for the next phase of my life whatever that is. I think I'm ready for it. I plan on being financially ready for it. I believe I might be moving in with Jenny very soon. I need a break from the fam. They're bringing me down.

Well, i'm still doing some research on what to do with my life. I know what I want to do: I want to something for really poor or really sick people through God. I have a couple of different ways of getting there. I've been researching some stuff online and I came across a missionary apprenticeship in South America. It costs 3500 bucks for 17 weeks. It includes everything a person could possibly need and it starts next august. That means I can still go to Romania in June! Plans are going to change about fifty more times, depending on where I get a job at, how much I work and how much I can manage to save up. Its so hard, when I think about it, but I know that I've got the man upstairs on my side because he wants me to do something for him. Anything is possible, we'll see.

I have a headache. :(